"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
