We won't sleep together?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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