If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its liver damage thursday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
