You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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