She is in my trunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
