I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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