So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
