Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
