dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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