kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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