I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
