I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
