I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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