I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
