I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
