Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
