I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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