Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
