I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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