currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
