it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
