last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
