when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
did i walk over a car last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
