sarcasm needs its own font
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
