You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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