Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
