For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
