I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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