the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
