You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pants are for mortals
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
