Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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