just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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