New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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