I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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