New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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