Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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