All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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