I puked a lego.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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