Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
