Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
