mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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