I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
