he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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