Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
