I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
