I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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