I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
