it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
