so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
