Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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