if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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