I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
