Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
