I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
