Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
