I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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