Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
