yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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