i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
