I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
