I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
