i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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